Wrong Baby, Wrong Baby, Wrong

To be completely honest, I really don't know what to write about. I haven't really done much worth mentioning. 

I got my hair cut a little over a week ago. 

And then the next night I went out to dinner with some girl friends.

And today, I've been hanging out in my room watching MTV reality shows online to pass the time.

I've been eating macaroni and cheese. And I want some guacamole. 

I'm down to 145 lbs, which I haven't been since senior year of high school. 

I found new music, and made a new playlist for my iPod. I went through the music that I didn't associate with Prince Charming, and I forgot how much good stuff I had! 

I started working out with a relatively new friend, and I love, love, love it. 

I'm still figuring out how to move on. I still have days where I'm miserable, but I have good days too. I guess it's all part of the process.

I miss a lot of things with Prince Charming. And I keep telling myself that this time apart from him is good for me. For him. For us. But that doesn't really make me like it anymore. I know that this is just a storm in my life, and I have to let God work.

I keep praying that God will help change my mentality towards this situation, to allow for Him to use it to help me grow, and I also pray that He is working in Prince's life. I don't know if we'll be apart from each other forever, but I know that as of right now that's something that I don't want.

I don't want to jump right back into a relationship with Prince, but at the same time I find that it's really difficult to move on. My dad doesn't want me to wallow. He was ready to come down and have a heart to heart the week after when I was still feeling crummy.

I'm not going to be over it in a week.

I really don't think I'll honestly ever be completely over it.

But someday I might feel better about it.

I just don't know. I mean, this is one of the toughest things I've gone through in life, and it used to be that when I went through tough times I had my parents around me, and then when I didn't have them anymore I had Prince. And right, I have neither. Well, I have my parents, but I don't have someone to hold me when I get upset. I have to learn to be a big girl and stand on my own two feet and help myself and rely on Jesus more than anything.

It's a period of growth for me.

But I don't think that means that maybe someday in the future Prince won't be the right guy for me. Both times we have been separated, I have been miserable. I never feel like I'm better off without him. I know Prince has said things and done things that he shouldn't have, and I know we both have a lot of growing up to do, but I think maybe someday we can make it work.

At least, I hope maybe someday we can make it work.

But as of right now I have to put it in God's hands, and I have to trust Him because He knows what's best for me. Even though right now I can't see it, and I certainly don't feel like there is anyone out there that can ever take the place of Prince, I have to figure out how to learn to relax. I have to learn to take it one day at a time. My feelings right now might not be my feelings in a month, but only time will tell.

I actually listened to the words of this song for the first time today, and I really appreciated the message, even though I don't think Prince is long gone...

Let's Talk About Painting

Because I hate painting. Like, I hate it a lot. A lot, a lot. It's a three hour class of mostly torture, for a couple different reasons. But, today, I actually didn't hate it as much as I was sure I was going to. You can gasp now. It's okay. I did too.

Usually when I get to painting class, I fumble around, haphazardly mixing paints, not really knowing what to do with myself. I get up and leave after I reach certain mini goals and I'll reward myself with a bagel for making it to 4 o'clock. (Class starts at 2:30 btw.)

However, today was a little different. But first, some back story!

This first image is what I started with at the beginning of today's class. It's pretty horrendous, and it started out even worse when I began this painting on Monday. I know that red and blue make purple, and red and yellow make orange, and yada yada that you learn in kindergarten when you play with tempera and watercolor painting lovely versions of your house, your mom, and flowers (at least if you were a girl when you were in kindergarten).

But as you can see, mixing paints to get exactly the right color that matches the real life color isn't my strong suit. I have all sorts of colors that don't belong, and ones that aren't the right shades in the right places, and wow, it's just a mess.

It doesn't look like fabric, and the shading is driving me bonkers. If this were charcoal I would be ahead of the game, but as it is painting class, I'm just frustrated with the whole thing. But then Dan gave me a lesson in how to mix and match colors and set me on my way the tail end of Monday's class, so I came to class today prepared to do some work.

I figured I would probably work for a little bit, and then mosey around like I usually do, but today I pulled out all the stops and only left when I needed to change over my water or rinse out my brush, or both. And using my new found knowledge supplied by Dan, I got a bigger paint brush and went to town.

For like, two and a half hours nonstop.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't think you understand what a great accomplishment that is for me. You see, Prince is in the classroom right next door, and not only am I spending three hours in a room learning to do something I hate, but I'm constantly bombarded with thoughts of him. HOWever, yesterday I listened to a podcast from my home church that helped me see things differently and today I really didn't have that hard of a time being in the next room. Plus, unlike Monday I didn't actually see Prince today, so that helped too.

But anyway, I put the pedal to the medal and here's what I ended up leaving class with:

I'm still not done yet, but we have a couple more class periods to work on it. And I might need to go in on a weekend and work by myself to get it done in time for our critique, but overall I'm really happy with how it's turning out.

Instead of looking like random paint lines and dark spots, it's actually starting to look like fabric. In fact, I think it kind of looks like Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean.